The Fourth with My Fab Four

Just Sayin’

Usually I keep the heavy stuff over on the other blog…

But lest anyone assume it is all sunshine and roses and love notes over here- thought I’d let you in on some of the madness…

This Single Momming thing, though it has it’s ups, is uh, not for the faint of heart.  And the Ex is uh, not super dad by any means.  So we have a minimum custody agreement which basically means he only has them for three hours on Thursdays and every other weekend.  So that’s kind of a lot for me sometimes.  I mean, I don’t know if I mentioned this before, but I have four kids.  And mostly when people hear that they say “FOUR KIDS?!  Wow, that’s a lot.”  And mostly when I hear somebody say that I say “I wake up many mornings thinking that exact thing.”

On my long weeks I have the kids for twelve days straight on my own with only the three hour break on Thursday night.  Now, generally one of My Amazing Friends or The Baby Sis will help out somewhere in there with babysitting, just to keep me sane, (relatively).  But let’s just say that Tuesday night and Wednesday of the long weeks are not my finest hours.  They are kind of wretched.  They are ramen noodle, netflix, sleep in yesterdays clothes, long afternoon quiet time days.

They are the days when Griffen comes up to me very excited about his new invention and tries to explain every detail and my eyes glaze over and I nod impatiently for a minute or two before waving him away.   They are the days when Gabe wants to sit in my lap all day and hug me and squirm around and elbow me and snuggle and be sweet and I say “BE STILL OR GET OFF!”  And mostly he gets his feelings hurt and gets off.  They are the days when Emmy’s squeals of delight in the next room are about as delightful as nails on a chalk board and I march in every twenty minutes and demand that she be quiet, all day.  And they are the days when Grace’s running through the house taking charge of every situation and reporting all the details back to me makes me want to lock myself in the closet, but instead I usually get down in her face and tell her to shut it.  Not pretty, but true.

Just wanted to let you know I guess, there are hard days around here.  There are sometimes very bad days around here.  For the most part I am a sane and decent parent.  But also, I yell through clenched teeth sometimes.  I take breaks in my room to keep myself from kicking doors.  I put the kids to bed ridiculously early some nights to keep myself from flailing.  Sometimes I grab them too rough and say unkind things.  And I pray, pray, pray that my munchkins feel loved even on those hard days.  I pray that I will have the strength and patience and grace to be better all the time.  I really do.  And I think maybe I am getting better.  It’s been quite a while since I’ve locked myself in the closet, or locked the kids outside, or had a major meltdown…    Knock on wood.  

Time with Jesus helps, a lot.  Friends help.  Chocolate helps.

Just sayin