Posts tagged ‘kids’

August 11, 2010

These Two

I have said before that These Two worry me the most when it comes to you know what. 
It is almost certain that girls will be throwing themselves at Gabe. 
And Em, oh Emmy, exquisitely beautiful and boy crazy already. 

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I’m in big trouble, that’s what I think all too often when I think of These Two.  But tonight, I looked at them and thought about the bond they share and breathed a sigh of relief.  The love they have will be so incredibly hard to match.  This love will set the standard for the love they will want for themselves later.  I think so often kids and teens are running around trying to fill a void, trying to find someone to love them.  In haste they settle for lust, in desperation they cling and grasp at others with the same void.  They do crazy things to make themselves feel good, for temporary highs, to feel whole. 


I think, oh do I hope, These Two will know about a Love so fulfilling that their search will not be a search to fill a void, but a search for True Love.  It’s a big messy world out there, but she will have him to look out for her and he will have her to help him guard his heart as well.  Gabe is setting the bar high for the way Emmy is to be loved.  And she is doing the same for him, loving him tenderly, unconditionally and completely.  In their smiles, and hugs, and cuddles, all the time, they are unknowingly affirming each other, saying to one another, You are incredible, you are amazing, you are beautiful, you are likable…

The way they interact, the way they play, and sit, and breathe just says all the time- You are so lovable and I so love you.  What a gift that I get to witness, to learn from These Two, this Love.



July 30, 2010


“Spell that.”  He said. 
“C h a s e d” I replied.
He smirked, as he does, and looked at me with those knowing eyes.
I read them for a change, instead of demanding he use words.
“Oh. Ha!  Yeah, I don’t feel chaste. Though maybe the one would help the other.”

  -excerpt from a very lovely conversation with Mr. Phenomenal


Most days it is possible for me to quiet these existential
discussions in my head

To calm all of this questioning of The World to a whisper

And mother my children with playful abandon

Today is not one of those days

Today I struggle to set down the Journal and the Book

To glance up from the pages of words I am devouring

    There are certainly many days when the sight of my
Emmy is enough to stop whatever thinking I am doing and cause me to stare in
wonder at the miracle that is my daughter, when her walking up to me to ask for
a cup of water results in my hands cupping her sweet face and the two of us
sitting nose to nose admiring the sacred beauty placed within us.  There are days when Gabe walking up to give
me a nonchalant hug results in him curled up in my lap and me stroking his baby
soft hair, and a few moments of us comprehending to the best of our abilities our
belovedness together.  

    Most days, my children, my lovely life, this thing called
motherhood, pulls me out of my own head and heart.  Most days my journaling is kept to after
nightfall and the escape of reading is held off until bedtime.  Many, many days I am so utterly content to
observe with awe the loveliness of the messy curls on the back of Grace’s neck
as she bounces through the house singing out her own songs.   And certainly many days I am more than happy
to listen to Griffen’s brilliant, creative, intense and funny ramblings.  Oh and stare at his freckles, I am most
certainly more than happy to stare at his freckles, they are divine. 

    Quite simply put, most days I am enamored with the beauty of
my everyday life.  And oh do I feel loved
when I contemplate the blessings I’ve been given.  But there is this thing, this knowledge that I
hold, this awareness that I was meant to do something.  I was placed here for a reason, called out
is what has been said to me.  And I feel
that, all too deeply some days.


    Sometimes it sits on me like a warm familiar blanket and I
hug it close, this
called out feeling. All of the listening and praying
and reading and writing feel so full of life and meaning and importance.  And I embrace it, I love it, I know it,
always have.  I feel driven to be better,
to be good, to be perfect so that at last I can do this… whatever it is that I
am called out to do.  There are mornings
spent all the way in to afternoons of working away at being good enough and knowing enough
so that one day I will finally be ready to help myself and others be…  Loved. 
How wrong is that- to be working away at simply feeling loved? 


    There are days though, or moments at least when I feel so
terribly chased, so hunted.  Times when
arrows are shot so precisely at me that I can only assume there is a target
somewhere on me and an archer not far off.  And
in those times, there are slivers of moments when I think
Just lay down,
just be quiet, just stop all the working all the striving all the noise of
preparing yourself for something greater. 
Shhh, be still.  Stop, stop, stop.
   Scary, yes, hearing voices is.  Sounds insane I’m sure, and trying to hone in
on those voices and decipher them sounds even more insane.  But it is alas what I am want to do some

    Here I am then stuck in this strange conundrum.  Feeling more love on days when I don’t think
so hard about it and feeling guilty on those days for not thinking hard about
it.   So today, I am saying, or Somebody is-

child, peace, peace, peace.  And



July 6, 2010

DIY: Replace Car Battery Connectors

Because if I do it myself I save money that can be spent on cute shoes and flirty skirts.
So I called up Paul and asked "What's the worst that could happen?"
"Well, you could get shocked and knocked down" he replied.

"Pssh, I've been knocked down before, I'm doin it."

And soooo…

So fancy1
Step 1
Turn off the car, open the hood and disconnect the negative battery connector first.
The negative battery connector will likely be black or green or will have a negative symbol on it somewhere.
Step 2
Disconnect the positive battery connector by using a wrench or ratchet/socket (usually an 8mm) to loosen the nut.
The nut doesn't need to be completely removed to lift the connector from the terminal/post.
Step 3
While the cables are disconnected, sever the cable wire near the corroded terminal using a hacksaw or a wire cutter.

Check the wire for corrosion as well, and if it's severely corroded, trim away the deteriorated wire.

Make sure the wire can still reach the battery after trimming.

Before reconnecting any cables, strip off about in inch of wire insulation.


Step 4
Replace the old connectors with the new connectors. Flatten the ends of the cable to make sure they will slide into the new connector.
Tighten the bolts and/or screw down to clamp the cable down in the connector.
Make sure the screws/bolts are in the correct place and are tightened completely so that the cable does not come out.
Step 5
Place the new positive battery connector on the positive battery post/terminal.
Place the new negative battery connector on the negative post/terminal last.
Close the hood and start the car.

So fancy2

Look out Target, here I come 🙂

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July 5, 2010

The Fourth with My Fab Four

Freedom and love

June 21, 2010

Just Sayin’

Usually I keep the heavy stuff over on the other blog…

But lest anyone assume it is all sunshine and roses and love notes over here- thought I’d let you in on some of the madness…


This Single Momming thing, though it has it’s ups, is uh, not for the faint of heart.  And the Ex is uh, not super dad by any means.  So we have a minimum custody agreement which basically means he only has them for three hours on Thursdays and every other weekend.  So that’s kind of a lot for me sometimes.  I mean, I don’t know if I mentioned this before, but I have four kids.  And mostly when people hear that they say “FOUR KIDS?!  Wow, that’s a lot.”  And mostly when I hear somebody say that I say “I wake up many mornings thinking that exact thing.”


On my long weeks I have the kids for twelve days straight on my own with only the three hour break on Thursday night.  Now, generally one of My Amazing Friends or The Baby Sis will help out somewhere in there with babysitting, just to keep me sane, (relatively).  But let’s just say that Tuesday night and Wednesday of the long weeks are not my finest hours.  They are kind of wretched.  They are ramen noodle, netflix, sleep in yesterdays clothes, long afternoon quiet time days.


They are the days when Griffen comes up to me very excited about his new invention and tries to explain every detail and my eyes glaze over and I nod impatiently for a minute or two before waving him away.   They are the days when Gabe wants to sit in my lap all day and hug me and squirm around and elbow me and snuggle and be sweet and I say “BE STILL OR GET OFF!”  And mostly he gets his feelings hurt and gets off.  They are the days when Emmy’s squeals of delight in the next room are about as delightful as nails on a chalk board and I march in every twenty minutes and demand that she be quiet, all day.  And they are the days when Grace’s running through the house taking charge of every situation and reporting all the details back to me makes me want to lock myself in the closet, but instead I usually get down in her face and tell her to shut it.  Not pretty, but true.

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Just wanted to let you know I guess, there are hard days around here.  There are sometimes very bad days around here.  For the most part I am a sane and decent parent.  But also, I yell through clenched teeth sometimes.  I take breaks in my room to keep myself from kicking doors.  I put the kids to bed ridiculously early some nights to keep myself from flailing.  Sometimes I grab them too rough and say unkind things.  And I pray, pray, pray that my munchkins feel loved even on those hard days.  I pray that I will have the strength and patience and grace to be better all the time.  I really do.  And I think maybe I am getting better.  It’s been quite a while since I’ve locked myself in the closet, or locked the kids outside, or had a major meltdown…    Knock on wood.  

Time with Jesus helps, a lot.  Friends help.  Chocolate helps.

Just sayin

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