Just Sayin’

Usually I keep the heavy stuff over on the other blog…

But lest anyone assume it is all sunshine and roses and love notes over here- thought I’d let you in on some of the madness…

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This Single Momming thing, though it has it’s ups, is uh, not for the faint of heart.  And the Ex is uh, not super dad by any means.  So we have a minimum custody agreement which basically means he only has them for three hours on Thursdays and every other weekend.  So that’s kind of a lot for me sometimes.  I mean, I don’t know if I mentioned this before, but I have four kids.  And mostly when people hear that they say “FOUR KIDS?!  Wow, that’s a lot.”  And mostly when I hear somebody say that I say “I wake up many mornings thinking that exact thing.”

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On my long weeks I have the kids for twelve days straight on my own with only the three hour break on Thursday night.  Now, generally one of My Amazing Friends or The Baby Sis will help out somewhere in there with babysitting, just to keep me sane, (relatively).  But let’s just say that Tuesday night and Wednesday of the long weeks are not my finest hours.  They are kind of wretched.  They are ramen noodle, netflix, sleep in yesterdays clothes, long afternoon quiet time days.

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They are the days when Griffen comes up to me very excited about his new invention and tries to explain every detail and my eyes glaze over and I nod impatiently for a minute or two before waving him away.   They are the days when Gabe wants to sit in my lap all day and hug me and squirm around and elbow me and snuggle and be sweet and I say “BE STILL OR GET OFF!”  And mostly he gets his feelings hurt and gets off.  They are the days when Emmy’s squeals of delight in the next room are about as delightful as nails on a chalk board and I march in every twenty minutes and demand that she be quiet, all day.  And they are the days when Grace’s running through the house taking charge of every situation and reporting all the details back to me makes me want to lock myself in the closet, but instead I usually get down in her face and tell her to shut it.  Not pretty, but true.

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Just wanted to let you know I guess, there are hard days around here.  There are sometimes very bad days around here.  For the most part I am a sane and decent parent.  But also, I yell through clenched teeth sometimes.  I take breaks in my room to keep myself from kicking doors.  I put the kids to bed ridiculously early some nights to keep myself from flailing.  Sometimes I grab them too rough and say unkind things.  And I pray, pray, pray that my munchkins feel loved even on those hard days.  I pray that I will have the strength and patience and grace to be better all the time.  I really do.  And I think maybe I am getting better.  It’s been quite a while since I’ve locked myself in the closet, or locked the kids outside, or had a major meltdown…    Knock on wood.  

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Time with Jesus helps, a lot.  Friends help.  Chocolate helps.

Just sayin

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5 Comments to “Just Sayin’”

  1. Kudos to you, you Amazing Mom, you. Prayers headed your way from KY.

  2. ::like::
    I’m trying to think of what other kind of response to write. I don’t like this because its sweet. I don’t like it because I’m glad you go through crud. I like it because you shared it, and I know I am not alone in what I feel, think, or do, at times.
    I think its awesome that you pray for your babies to feel loved, even in the hardest moments. I’ve never thought of that. I think you’re great for doing that for them.
    Thanks for sharing.

  3. So even though I got NO recognition for properyly diagnosing your car problem at 11pm on Saturday night, in the dark, with no flashlight and only by your description, I am going to respond to this because, despite your mistreatment and lack of appreciation for my diagnosis (well, ok, it was a wild-ass guess), I still love you and yours…a lot. As we drove away, Tater and I, Saturday night, I said to the T, “That single mom thing is very hard.” And he said, “Yes, it is but she (that would be you) is about as good at it as anyone can be.” You may be discouraged by the difficulty. You may be dismayed by the mayhem. You may tired of the trials. But you do not quit. Yes, sometimes you quiver and sometimes you quake, but you do not quit. Sometimes you cry and sometimes complain, but you continue. That is because you are doing what you need to do and being who you need to be. And as long as you do that, no matter how hard it is, you are never a loser and God will always come to make up the shortage and to redeem the mistakes. Good job.

  4. Once, in a moment of self-condeming contemplation, I heard God say that He would always protect my babies– even from me. That was one of the most comforting things I’ve heard Him say. Remember that He gave you these children because He knew you would be best for them and they would be best for you. But they’re not really yours. Our children are His and He will parent them. Thanks for bein real.

  5. Kara- Love you girl. And thanks.
    TaGe- Thank you so much. And you’re so welcome.
    Rick- Wow. And thank you,(and Tater). You Blinns are all kinds of awesome, don’t know what I’d do without ya.
    Caitlin- I love that, gonna use it. And you’re welcome, anytime.

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