Lesson Learned

This I know- and this I am trying to teach my children: People fail. I fail. And also- I am a lot. And I am too much. For any living, breathing human.

I want my Loves to know- I am doing my best.  I am striving to be a good reflection of Him, oh but I am imperfect, and as obvious as that might seem- I was once a child, and I remember my childish tendency to see perfection, want perfection, need perfection from the adults around me. I have looked too often at my Perfect Father through the blurry lens that some well-meaning grownup made for me.

Nothing in me wants to be the specs of dirt, the warped glass that changes their view of the Greatest Love there is. And so I tell them, in case they don’t catch the hint in moments when my flaws are all too obvious- “I lovelovelove you, as best I can, most all of the time. But He is better, a thousand times. Where I fail you, He won’t, I promise.” And I hope and pray, that they will know, now and forever, my love for them, reflection though it may be, is merely a shadow of the Amazing Love He is.

This lesson was hard learned for me. If I have regret it is in this: Expecting perfection. It has ruined too many, (and only one would be too many), a friendship. My heart has been broken more than once because my hope was that a person would be my All in All. My expectation for so long, and my request, unspoken only sometimes, (oh hindsight you are so twenty-twenty), was that some flesh and bone person would take all of my wrongs and make them right, with words and hugs and kisses and tears and laughter. My hope was cast on people time and again- to redeem me.  I threw out a lifeline to wrong place and wrong arms, begging for something no human could ever give me. And I almost drowned. Almost.

But God. Oh yes. And patient friends, unwilling to be my savior, did show me the truth– If some willing soul were able to rescue me, be my savior- where would that leave me? With an unnecessary God. With an unwanted Savior. With a Jesus who died for no reason at all. With an even more confusing desire to be saved again. With a heart full of the wrong thing, fleshly desires fulfilled and a crushing yearning for an unexplainable more. With a friend weighted down with all my stuff. And heartbreak certain time and again.  Lesson learned the hard way maybe, but I am grateful to have learned it nonetheless.

This I know- He will not fail. Ever. He can’t. And I am not too much for Him. And He is all I need. And Love. And Love.

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20 Comments to “Lesson Learned”

  1. You know, this stuck out to me…

    I remember my childish tendency to see perfection, want perfection, need perfection from the adults around me. I have looked too often at my Perfect Father through the blurry lens that some well-meaning grownup made for me.

    Sometimes, I think I am still there. But, I loved your last line:

    This I know- He will not fail. Ever. He can’t. And I am not too much for Him. And He is all I need. And Love. And Love.

    Thank you for this post. I needed to read this today.

  2. Oh my goodness my friend … ohhhh the kindredness of my heart totally screams “I get YOU’ … “Been there … done that, have some healed scares to prove it!” 😉

    Love your vulnerability and heart … I have promised my own children … one promise that I KNOW I will not break and that is : That I won’t be perfect … I’m gonna blow it … I’m gonna even hurt their “feelings” and their gonna hurt mine. But that’s only half the promise … I may not be perfect but I’ll always lead them to one that IS perfect.

    Signed a recovering perfectionist in HIS grasp!
    Loves ~Ris

  3. Really spoke to my heart today…I’ve been there, more than once…and went there again recently. This was perfect timing for me. Thank you for sharing!

    Jeanne Vrij

  4. Great post! I will absolutely use this material with my son and every other child within my circle of influence. Thank you for sharing your heart.

  5. Amazing! See this is what I try to get across to people when they give me the, “You’re-a-single-mom-how-do-you-do-it” questions. I don’t. He does! Amen?! I needed to be reminded of this today, thank you for putting it into words so poignantly.

  6. oh Amber, I love this….and I want more 🙂

  7. This is really good. You are so talented, my friend. I always think back to that picture of your PaPaw’s truck. You’ve got so much potential, kid. 🙂 I love seeing you stepping into it in so many ways. You are not a quitter. You have picked yourself up and dusted yourself off … wait, that wasn’t you doing that, was it? 🙂 That all-powerful amazing Holy Spirit within you has been determinedly picking you up, whispering words of hope and encouragement, sending the right people at the right time into your life, and by golly, you have grabbed hold and drunk up for all your worth every bit of drink and morsel you could get at that table He sets for you in the presence of your enemies. And it shows. Love, love, love you. Surely goodness and mercy follow you.

  8. I love you. period. Hope I can teach my children these things too.

  9. I love the beginning and ending paragraphs of this. The inbetween is awesome too but those 2 statements really spoke to me! Thanks for posting

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