Where I’m At (Headed)

“Hmm, nobody’s beating me up. That’s weird. Guess I’ll have to do it myself.” Welcome to my brain ladies and gentlemen. I struggle with normal like nobody’s business. But also- I am getting better. And so sometimes the struggle is to let myself be where I’m at and not- A) drag myself back to where I was with “You haven’t changed a bit, you fool” or B) beat myself up with “What is wrong with you dummy, you should be better than this.”

I’m a pretty positive kid most of the time. Hopelessly optimistic some would say. A good trait maybe, but sometimes as I’m skipping along my merry path all head in the clouds and humming- issues, hard stuff, challenges, old stuff- totally blindside me.  And if I’m not careful I will tear myself apart.

If I’m not careful, normal will bore me, good will confuse me and I will abuse me.  Sound silly? It is. And the silliness of it drives me mad.  Know what else drives me mad? Getting congratulated for being normal. ‘Cause- know what I’m terrible at? Having grace for myself and getting over myself.  But! Lucky for me I have Amazing Friends who help me realize there is nothing helpful about beating myself up and not having grace for me.  They are fantastic and wise enough to both push and call me towards where I want to be, and love me where I’m at. Lucky for me they are okay with reminding me that getting over myself is a brilliant idea.

And lucky for me, they are pretty stinkin’ awesome at pointing me towards the One who holds all the Love and grace in the world.  Jesus is at work in my life, fa sheezy. Redemption has been poured on me by the bucketful. And so today and many days before it and for many to come, I am climbing out of my own head. I am refusing to beat myself up or listen to any unkind words, mine or the enemies. I am choosing to be here, listen to His voice, breathe Him in, and take one step at a time towards where I want to be. Love, love.

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2 Comments to “Where I’m At (Headed)”

  1. How great, that I’m reading your blog right now.

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