Here. Now.

240
    Goodness it is icy.  And goodness the five of us have seen a lot of each other the last two days.  I don't think I have to go into much detail for you to understand what I mean when I say this day was dangersously close to ending in a little yelling and a lot of early bedtimes.  We've been cooped up for two days now, and tomorrow will be another one.  And when I found out that was the case, for a moment my heart sank.  And then Emmy walked up and said "Hey Mommy, tickle me" the way she does with a her sly little grin.  And I said a quiet little prayer. 

 067

    I asked that He would help me be here, now.  I asked that He would change my sucky attitude.  I hate that so often I rush through one day to get to the next one.  Becuase these kids of mine, they will not always be ten, eight, five and three.  They will not always fight over who gets to share my blanket.  They will not always pile on top of each other in the floor to sort legos and play out scenes.  These Little Wonders, they will be big someday.  And I certainly do not want them to look back on these three snowdays and remember how much I didn't want to be cooped up with them.  They will be big someday way too soon and I certainly do not want to look back on this time and wish I had not taken it for granted. 

049  

    So I prayed my little prayer and He reminded my tired and stressed out brain that we haven't danced in a while.  And boy do we love dancing, so we danced.  Music is such a connecting point for us.  It pulses through them the same way it does me.  It was magic, getting all of our energy burned in this lovely, fluid, steady rythmic kind of bonding time.  We drummed, we made playlists, and jumped, and slow danced, and laughed, and cuddled, and danced some more. 

228    

     Now I know everyday is not going to be an outstanding memory.  Some days will just be regular old days; some days will be hard.  But these Loves of mine, they are so often gone, at school or at their dads.  And I am so often busy.  So often tired.   I hope that even on those days though, I will not pass up the oppurtunity to be fully present and engaged with My Amazings.  The temptation is surely there to let life pass me by, go through entire days without honoring their spirits or cupping their faces in my hand.  Life is fast.  Life is a lot.  I'm grateful though that He is holding us here in this frozen little three day moment.  And I'm grateful that He gave me the chance today, (and again tomorrow), to be here, now. 

200

    And tonight as they rest in their beds I am praying that He will help me to practice this sort of being with Him, this dancing with Him.  It is way to easy to slip off to sleep without spending time with Him.  It is way too easy to spend all of my time with Him talking, and going, and wanting and totally miss out on the being and dancing.  It is way to easy to miss out on the bonding that I so need with Him.  But I think He wants that from me just as much as I want it with my kids, and He doesn't get stressed out or need to be reminded to be with me.  He is such an amazing Father, and I so want, so need Him.  And I so believe He wants to honor my spirit, cup my face in His hands.  I'm pretty sure that if I come to Him with a sly grin wanting love and affection, He will glady scoop me up.  And I hope never to miss an oppurtunity to be scooped up by Him.  Oh that He would freeze three days more often, that I would allow myself to be frozen.  And oh that I would take every oppurtunity to dance that He presents.  

And also~


 

 

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