Getting Called

Ha~ so the tough (awesome) thing about being surrounded by Amazing Friends is~

I get called on my stuff.

The tough (not so awesome) thing about being born a grown up~ nobody ever called me to a higher standard.  As a kid, at times when I maybe should have been taught or told how to do something I was just sort of left to figure it out on my own.  And as an adult there have been times when I needed to be taught or told how to do something and My Amazing Friends have (very thankfully) been willing to come alongside me and help me figure things out.

There are times though when I get overwhelmed, or screw up, or drop balls, as we all do, and my tendency is to have a pity party, throw a fit, have a meltdown, whatever you want to call it.  Point being~ when I can’t fix everything, instead of just doing what I can, I do things that aren’t even remotely helpful.  And the other day, I totally got called on it.

And it was reeeeeally hard and kind of awkward.
And it was extremely helpful and needed.

Because the intention behind it was to be helpful, to point out something so that I could fix it, to call me out of my funk so that I could function.  It was done right and it was done out of love.  And though in the moment, (and ok maybe for the next day or so), I struggled internally with everything that was said, it was humbly received in the spirit it was given.

Honestly I have been called on my stuff before and it has been less effective.  Maybe because of the context of the relationship or the topic being discussed, maybe because I was not in a place to receive constructive criticism or willing to be held accountable, for whatever reason this time was different.  I sat quietly, (probably wide eyed, you’ll have to ask her), and fought against the urge to be defensive.  Instead I listened intently.  I willed myself not to put everything she said through my negative filter so that “I see how you could do this differently and be more effective” didn’t sink in as “You are doing everything wrong”.  And gosh it was tough.  I’m sure it wasn’t her favorite conversation to have either, but I am ever so grateful that she did.

“You have to carry your own backpack” is what she said, “Nobody else is going to carry it for you”. And wow, unless she stole my journal and went through it, (I might be still trying to convince myself that she didn’t)  I don’t think she knew that the day before I had gotten the same message (picture) from another Very Important Friend (God).

(No kidding, both images in this post are from the day before our talk)

And of course she said a lot of other very wise things, but that’s what stuck with me, most likely because of the pictures I had already been given.

Anyway, the result I think (hope), is I am left with no excuse for my inaction or irresponsibility.  I can’t blame others for my indecisiveness and lack of motivation.  When I can’t fix everything I will just fix what I can.  When doing everything right seems overwhelming, I will just do the next right thing.  Instead of doing nothing when my list seems impossibly long, I will just move down the list as best I can.  I will carry my own backpack because it is the right thing to do, because nobody else should have to do it for me.  Really, it wouldn’t have been given to me if I couldn’t carry it.

And I’m left in awe again, humbled and grateful for the way God loves me through this fantastic circle of truly wonderful people He has placed in my life.

So a million thanks to My Amazing Friends for all the love and support.
And thanks a million to You-Know-Who for the straight talk (kick in the pants).

Love you so, so much.

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