Not Fixing It

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Back to your regular scheduled happy fun mommy blogging soon, I hope.  Sunshiney happy me has gone on a little vacation.  She left a note of instructions for taking care of the kids and some emergency numbers, but her return date is as of right now, undetermined. 

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Wanna know something?  My internal monologue is very often an internal dialogue wherein positive, sane, me is trying to talk the other me out of doing all the crazy shit she shouldn’t do.  Most of the time I win, but not always.   

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Also…

Have you ever gone out to eat and ordered some nice big plate of yumminess and then when the waiter sets it down and says “Careful this plate is hot” you touch it anyway?  Like, first of all you know it’s hot right?  This is what you always get, and it’s always hot.  And the guy just said “Careful this plate is hot”.  Also, the damn plate is sitting right in front of you already, what’s the point in grabbing the edge and nudging it two millimeters closer?   Is it just me that burns my fingers every once in a while?

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Anyway…

This is what I’m good at- problem solving, fixing, rallying, picking up pieces, putting things together and then holding them together, macgyver-ing the hell out of life, being super positive, being super angry, going really fast, coming full stop. 

This is what I suck at- waiting, being patient, letting other people figure things out, giving things time, letting life happen, leaving stuff alone, holding off, middle of the road, medium paces. 

This is what I don’t know- how things will end up, why things are the way they are.

This is what I do know- Jesus loves me.  God’s love is perfect and unfailing. He is a MUCH better problem solver than me.

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And so, I am trying to reconcile all of these things.

 

And I am trying to lay all of these things down. 

Not quite there yet though.

 

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3 Comments to “Not Fixing It”

  1. You will get there. And your fingers will heal. Love.

  2. I like your words. I like your pictures. I also have a tremendous amount of difficulty waiting on the Lord. His timing is always different than mine and I always screw things up when I try to make him fit into my timeline. I hope that you find peace in waiting for Him and that you are fully able to bask in his tremendous grace.

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