The Way She Loves

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A couple of things about Grace:

            When I got pregnant with her I was on the edge of depression.  Kind of scared about where my marriage and life were going.  A little overwhelmed with the three Little Wonders that I already had, and well just not in a great place.  So the news that I was pregnant hit me like a ton of bricks, and not in a good way.  It was very unlike my other pregnancies where I sort of fell in love immediately with the little being inside of my belly. 

After a couple of days of laying in bed half hoping the pregnancy test was wrong, I went to lunch with Debby.  At that point she was still mostly a formal-ish mentor.  We met up at La Madeline and while standing in line, she noticed my pout-iness.  She asked what was wrong and I sort of mumbled out “Oh, I’m pregnant.”  Now Debby is kind of er…  reserved, or, I don’t know, she‘s just not very reactive.  She’s kind of known for keeping her cool.  Anyway, so I halfheartedly say “I’m pregnant.”  And she- I’m not kidding you, she jumps up into the air and kind of screeches out some excitement and hugs me.  It was bizarre.  Wonderful and bizarre.

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            I did my best to calm her down “Oh, no.  We’re not excited.”  That’s what I said.  In a very Eyore kind of tone, I tried to talk her into being sad about me having a baby.  Didn’t work though.  She was super happy about it and I thought “Either she knows something I don’t know or she is crazy.”  I gotta be honest, I was leaning towards crazy. 

It really was not until Pie was born and I laid eyes on her sweet little face that I totally fell in love with her.  But man did I fall hard.  She, like all of my kiddos, is so uniquely special and wonderful.  Gracey’s uniqueness though is an effervescence of well, Grace.  Her gift to me and I think to others is that she loves easily and well.  I hope that all of my kids have some of this gift, I think they do, but it is just her nature to love and be loved without pretense.

Our life was Turned Upside Down before she was even a year old.  Her babyhood  was so totally different from my other ones, not as peaceful, less ideal.  She spent more time away from me than any of my babies did.  And now she is so, so, so independent.  She will never remember living in a house with both of her parents.  Her birthday and holiday memories will only contain one parent or the other.  Hard stuff to think about, only for me though, not for her. 

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She might be tiny but her spirit and her capacity for Love are huge. She is fierce, my little Gracey Pie, fierce, and undeterred, and sweet, and funny, and too smart for her own good, and loud, and proud, and beautiful, and generous, and kind, and full of words and life and love.

So the other day when I looked at this photo I thought back to Debby jumping to congratulate me about being pregnant with Grace.

And I thought- She totally knew.  

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3 Comments to “The Way She Loves”

  1. I knew too. And I so so love her. Did from the minute I knew she existed. Do more every day. What would the world be without Pie?

  2. You have an amazing story and a beautiful family.

  3. thanks lidnsay. i am
    indeed super blessed.

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