Who We Are

I'm trying to figure that out.  Well, I'm trying to figure out who I am. 
It seems like a pretty fair question.  I'm 26, (not quite 27 thankyouverymuch), in the middle of a messy divorce, (is there such thing as a clean one), a mother of four (little windows, little mirrors that they are, ever reflecting my good and bad stuff), photographer (with terrible vision, but supposedly I "see" well), friend (surrounded by so much beauty in the friend department)…  What else?  At least a thousand other things make up my identity right? I like dark chocolate, and green grass, and I don't wear shoes unless it's absolutely necessary, I hate doing dishes, and I love old movies…  These are some things that I know about myself.  But there seems to be an increasingly long list of things that I don't know about myself.  Things I maybe thought I knew, or never realized that I needed to know, or didn't want to try and figure out.   The problem is, I want to take these questions to people.  I want to take the easy way out and just ask my friends what they think.  That is so dangerous though and I know it.  Figuring out who I am based on what other people think…  dangerous.  I guess it could work if I wanted my relationships to be performance based and fear motivated and if I wanted to be constantly striving and working for the approval of others.  But that seems like so much work.  And it seems so inauthentic.  So I guess I better take my questions to Jesus, as trite as that phrase seems, I don't know any other way to find these answers.  I could look inside myself I guess, but crap, I am wrong all the time about a lot of things.  And my kids, I want them to have an easier time at figuring out who they are than I did.  Right now they are constantly learning things about themselves, they are in this never ending process of figuring out who they are.  I remember what it was like, because it wasn't that long ago, that the five year old me ran from one adult to another asking if she was pretty, smart, good, lovable…  I was given lots of wrong answers about who I was from an early age, so I want to work through that stuff and be able to point my babies in a much right-er direction than I was pointed in.  And so I'm going to try to find some answers, or hear some answers, or read some answers.  For me and for them.  One thing I do know, I am loved.  I get that today.  Jesus loves me this I know.  He does.  He's been with me, held my hand and carried me, loved me through some amazing and terrible times.  He's the only Daddy I've ever known.  Yeah.  Jesus loves me this I know, thank God I get that. 

and the boys took these pictures, they are forever taking pictures…

these by Gabe, early one morning last week:
and these by Griff yesterday: 
I love that they each have their own little style's, their own way of seeing…
my little mirrors, my little windows…


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