questions

we’re entering a new phase, we’re leaving some things behind.  we’re moving on and we’re moving out.  and in all of this change some things are being redefined.  some questions are arising, good ones, really important questions.  and because i am on my own now, it is up to me to figure out the answers.  it is up to me to find the truth, to decide what my truth is.

what’s my definition of grace?
the most important question for me right now.  grace is sort of the thing that i base my life on, as a follower of Jesus, understanding grace is crucial, everything else kind of revolves around receiving and giving grace. so, how do i give it and receive it?  and how does the giving and receiving of grace effect myself and my friends and family?  and what is my definition of family?  everyone’s is different.  when your family is not really present or helpful and your friends are, do they become your family?  who’s choice is that? and if it is a choice, is it family?  if you can choose at any point to opt out of a relationship, is that family?  if your choice to stay in a relationship is based on some one meeting your expectations, what is that?  and how do i call my babies to a higher standard without making them feel like they need to meet my expectations?  (because really my expectations should not be their motivation to do the right thing.  that puts a lot of unneccesary pressure on all of us.)  shouldn’t love be their motivation and mine?  shouldn’t their hearts be full of love? and aren’t their actions an overflow of their hearts?  shouldn’t mine be?  aren’t they?  how can I be a representation of Christ’s love without them getting confused when i screw up?  what will they learn about His love when i fail them? 

i am working on the answers.  i am seeking and i am learning.  and while i am still learning (and i hope i always am) i will just do the best i can.  i will continue to try not to do what i know is wrong while i figure out what is right.  and when i figure out what is right i will do my best to teach them.  because these four little hearts have been entrusted to me.  these four little souls are in my care and i am going to do the best i can to point them towards the only true Unconditional Love that i know.     Four_little_hearts

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One Comment to “questions”

  1. Here’ a little Rainer Maria Rilke for you:
    “Have patience with everything resolved in yor heart and try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language…live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer…”

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